CHECK YOUR MOTIVES

This blog is for the waiting woman, the one who's believing God for their future husband.
From one waiting sister to another, I feel your pain and frustration.  I originally submitted this post as a guest blogger for my sister's blog, but I felt led to share with my own audience as well.  It's quite transparent; as I drafted this blog post, I cringed and laughed at myself.  Nevertheless, my aim is to HELP my sisters who are struggling with this.  It's not easy, but as we keep Jesus as the center, it'll get easier and before you know it, you will not find yourself constantly and consistently dwelling on "When Lord? Where is he, Lord? Why Lord?"  Totally thankful for GROWTH.  Here we go.

I am so grateful for the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit.  Not only is the Holy Spirit a friend, a teacher and guide, but He is one who convicts.  Many times during my walk with Christ, I’ve had to check and double-check myself and my motives behind certain initiatives.  I had to make sure that my motive was pure and not self-centered. I would ask myself:  WHY do I want this?  Is it self-serving? Will God get any glory out of it?  Am I seeking God ONLY to gain? 

I must be honest: there was a time where I was seeking God ONLY to gain favor and God-given goodies. 
I wanted to see some fruit behind my “naming and claiming” and “declaring and decreeing.”  Bump seeking God because He desires a relationship with me.  Bump seeking God because He first loved me.  I was going to “speak it into the atmosphere” and prepare by “FAITH” for my "Boaz," my future husband!  And I knew God was going to do it expeditiously, in Jesus’ name!

And here I am, 13 years later and still, SINGLE. 

But guess what?  I am NOT bitter about it!  TRUST: I used to be.  Fussed. Cried. Complained about it, A LOT.  However, the reality was this:  I needed to grow and mature in Christ and as a woman, period.  It was imperative for me to develop a real relationship with GOD, one that extended beyond the four walls of my home church.  TRUTH:  Contrary to my own immature thinking, I was not ready for marriage in my early 20s!  I needed deliverance – starting with my mindset!  I really had not grasped the true spiritual concept behind marriage and what it was all about.  Marriage goes beyond the pretty wedding gown, the steamy, sultry honeymoon and having a picture-perfect family.  I’ve learned that when you marry, you DIE to yourself.  Why do you think that the bride meets her groom at the altar?  The altar is a place of SACRIFICE.  You sacrifice your self-motives, your agenda and your will for a far greater purpose.  I knew nothing about that as a babe in Christ.  Had the Lord allowed me to marry in my early 20s, we probably would be divorced or miserably married by now-unless God intervened and performed a miracle overhaul!  I’m in my early 30s now, and I’m so grateful for my learning and growth.  I still desire to marry, but it’s no longer an IDOL in my life.

IDOL?  Yep.  You read that correctly. 

The idea of a wedding and marriage literally became an idol in my life.  It wasn’t until I began to seek God, “for real-for real,” that He revealed that startling bit of information to me.

Everyday, I religiously went on David’s Bridal website in search of a dress. Literally, everyday.I created an online account with them.  Put in a bogus wedding date "by FAITH" (when you create an account with them at that time, you had to put in a wedding date).
I had my wedding meticulously planned out, from the color to the flower.  You know, I was “planning by FAITH,” while Jesus, figuratively speaking, sat on the shelf in my life.  I snatched Him off the shelf only when it was time to “declare and decree.”  I only went to Psalm 37:4 when it came to my Bible reading. I’m sure every single Christian woman knows THAT Scripture; that’s our foundational “waiting on GOD” Scripture! Truth be told, I was pitiful.  As I’m typing, I’m shaking my head, laughing at myself.  Lord, I thank You for deliverance.

As I wait, I’m seeking God for what He wants me to do for Him and how I can contribute to building the Kingdom.  I’m focused on becoming a better Shairon, because I refuse to be “rottenness in my husband’s bones.” (Proverbs 12:4)  I pray for my husband and thank God for him in advance.  I don’t look at the clock and bellyache over the “When, Lord?!”  I’ve learned to rest and simply trust God with this love story He’s writing.

As I began to really seek God out of my desperation for Him and Him only, my prayers are less about self.  I’ve matured a bit.  Now, I’m an ordained elder and currently building two businesses.  My personal ministry is Desire to INSPIRE, my blog site (this site-smile!).  The more I focus on the LORD, soaking in His presence and sharpening my skills as a budding entrepreneur, I don’t have time to wonder about my husband or “WHERE HE AT?!”  Sure, I pray for him in advance. I surround myself around godly wives for wise counsel and preparation; but I don’t go around 24-7 wondering about him anymore.  I don’t post subliminal messages or “Dear Future Husband” statuses on social media.  (DISCLAIMER:  I don’t knock anyone for posting “Dear Future Husband” statuses; I just refuse to do so.  I take that to God in prayer).

So, to my dear single sister who desires marriage: I feel you. TRUST ME, I do. 
As one who is the youngest of six and ALL of them, except ME, are/were married (one sibling deceased), I understand your frustration.  God has not forgotten about you.  Appreciate your singleness, because all of that will become null and void immediately upon “I do.”  Embrace your singleness.  Travel.  Go out.  Fellowship with like-minded believers.   Focus on becoming a better you.  Steal away time with the Lord, just to pray and talk with Him.  Allow Him to patch up and heal those broken places that could possibly harm to your future marriage. It will all be worth the wait.  Believe THAT!   

Make sure you seek ye first, and quash your agenda.  Check your motives, seek His will and in everything, give thanks …

Shairon